The great climate change conspiracy revealed
George Monbiot, climate change activist and author of the best selling book, Heat, has revealed an alarming and damning email which lays bare the great conspiracy behind the global warming scam:
From: ernst.kattweizel@redcar.ac.uk
Sent: 29th October 2009
To: The Knights Carbonic
Gentlemen, the culmination of our great plan approaches fast. What the Master called “the ordering of men’s affairs by a transcendent world state, ordained by God and answerable to no man”, which we now know as Communist World Government, advances towards its climax at Copenhagen. For 185 years since the Master, known to the laity as Joseph Fourier, launched his scheme for world domination, the entire physical science community has been working towards this moment.
The early phases of the plan worked magnificently. First the Master’s initial thesis – that the release of infrared radiation is delayed by the atmosphere – had to be accepted by the scientific establishment. I will not bother you with details of the gold paid, the threats made and the blood spilt to achieve this end. But the result was the elimination of the naysayers and the disgrace or incarceration of the Master’s rivals. Within 35 years the 3rd Warden of the Grand Temple of the Knights Carbonic (our revered prophet John Tyndall) was able to “demonstrate” the Master’s thesis. Our control of physical science was by then so tight that no major objections were sustained.
More resistence was encountered (and swiftly despatched) when we sought to install the 6th Warden (Svante Arrhenius) first as professor of physics at Stockholm University, then as rector. From this position he was able to project the Master’s second grand law – that the infrared radiation trapped in a planet’s atmosphere increases in line with the quantity of carbon dioxide the atmosphere contains. He and his followers (led by the Junior Warden Max Planck) were then able to adapt the entire canon of physical and chemical science to sustain the second law.
Then began the most hazardous task of all: our attempt to control the instrumental record. Securing the consent of the scientific establishment was a simple matter. But thermometers had by then become widely available, and amateur meteorologists were making their own readings. We needed to show a steady rise as industrialisation proceeded, but some of these unfortunates had other ideas. The global co-option of police and coroners required unprecedented resources, but so far we have been able to cover our tracks.
The over-enthusiasm of certain of the Knights Carbonic in 1998 was most regrettable. The high reading in that year has proved impossibly costly to sustain. Those of our enemies who have yet to be silenced maintain that the lower temperatures after that date provide evidence of global cooling, even though we have ensured that eight of the ten warmest years since 1850 have occurred since 2001(10). From now on we will engineer a smoother progression.
Our co-option of the physical world has been just as successful. The thinning of the Arctic ice cap was a masterstroke. The ring of secret nuclear power stations around the Arctic Circle, attached to giant immersion heaters, remains undetected, as do the space-based lasers dissolving the world’s glaciers.
Altering the migratory and reproductive patterns of the world’s wildlife has proved more challenging. Though we have now asserted control over the world’s biologists, there is no accounting for the unauthorised observations of farmers, gardeners, bird-watchers and other troublemakers. We have therefore been forced to drive migrating birds, fish and insects into higher latitudes, and to release several million tonnes of plant pheromones every year to accelerate flowering and fruiting. None of this is cheap, and ever more public money, secretly diverted from national accounts by compliant governments, is required to sustain it.
The co-operation of these governments requires unflagging effort. The capture of George W. Bush, a late convert to the cause of Communist World Government, was made possible only by the threatened release of footage filmed by a knight at Yale, showing the future president engaged in coitus with a Ford Mustang. Most ostensibly-capitalist governments remain apprised of where their real interests lie, though I note with disappointment that we have so far failed to eliminate Vaclav Klaus. Through the offices of compliant states, the Master’s third grand law has been accepted: world government will be established under the guise of controlling manmade emissions of greenhouse gases.
Keeping the scientific community in line remains a challenge. The national academies are becoming ever more querulous and greedy, and require higher pay-offs each year. The inexplicable events of the past month, in which the windows of all the leading scientific institutions were broken and a horse’s head turned up in James Hansen’s bed, appear to have staved off the immediate crisis, but for how much longer can we maintain the consensus?
Knights Carbonic, now that the hour of our triumph is at hand, I urge you all to redouble your efforts. In the name of the Master, go forth and terrify.
Professor Ernst Kattweizel, University of Redcar. 21st Grand Warden of the Temple of the Knights Carbonic.
He-he.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=519e5240-e895-45dd-9466-35182b55bd13)
Homoeopathy explained
Perhaps I was mistaken. Everything I had read and heard of homoeopathy led me to believe it was just a pile of rotten excrement passing itself off as a “science”. I’ve even blogged about it in disparaging tones (here, here, here and here).
But I’ve had the scales pulled from my eyes. The truth of the matter has finally been revealed. Dr Charlene Werner has skillfully pulled all the strands of modern physics together, the bits that us mere mortals cannot hope to fully understand (like General Relativity and String Theory) and shown how this advanced physics underpins the great science of homoeopathy. It’s also fascinating to hear that there’s so little mass in the universe that one can, for all practical homoeopathic purposes, simply ignore the M in E = MC2. One lives and learns.
What’s more, did you know that 70% of how you physically function is through “the vision system”? It must be true. Dr Werner has a whole website dedicated to this.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=fda2d0e3-e23c-4a4d-9f37-b3d689eb822d)
Can’t write about Mo Shaik
I was sickened by Zuma’s appointment of Mo Shaik. I was going to write about it, but it would just make my blood pressure spike. So I’ll let Nic Borain not write about it.
However, Mo(e) has inspired me to do a bit of pictorial commentary:
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=dfc547ca-5af4-4b1c-92f2-7190fc38cd01)
ANC MPs fail the Kid Test
I think it’s safe to say that parliamentarians of the ruling party, the ANC, are a pretty dismal lot. Since South Africa doesn’t have a constituency system, the Party’s representatives don’t have to display any qualities of character to voters. Criminals, homophobes, racists, sexists, liars, cheats, xenophobes, drunkards, wife-beaters, perverts, sociopaths, drug-addicts and paedophiles are all welcome and are well represented in the parliamentary benches – well at least those who bother to attend.
The only requirement is a slavish devotion to their political masters. If a boot needs to be licked, they’ll polish both with their tongues. If a bum needs to be kissed, they’ll get that tongue in – deep. That is the only qualification required. They understand that their livelihoods, cars, housing, overseas jaunts, kids schooling, medical care and fancy clothes are granted to them by the Party leaders and in turn blind loyalty is required. Otherwise it’s back to the shack, drinking sorghum beer out of a paint tin.
Certainly, intelligence is not a prerequisite. In fact, I would imagine that intelligence is specifically frowned upon, along with original thought. Nothing better illustrates this than the show put on by ANC MPs at the recent meeting of portfolio committees on the country’s space policy. They were discussing the launch of SA’s satellite, Sumbandila Sat, to be launched in Russia on September 15. These MPs asked a bunch of questions so peurile, so irrational and displaying such a breathtaking degree of ignorance, that one is left thinking that maybe the other prerequisite of becoming an ANC representative is deep stupidity. I guess it’s much easier to control dull brutes than those with functioning mental facilities.
But maybe I’m being a bit severe. Perhaps these cretins people are simply uneducated – victims of “no education before liberation” or something. In that case we could apply the Kid Test to them. Kids don’t have a lot of knowledge, but they display an appetite for it, a curiosity that requires an answer. None of us can know everything and we often reach for our inner kid, asking perhaps naïve, but searching questions.
Let’s examine the questions asked by the MPs to see if they pass the Kid Test:
How, one asked, do we protect our space from being used by other countries’ satellites?
I would give this one a PASS. This is the sort of question a kid would ask and would lead to an answer that could lead to a life-long understanding of what we mean by “space”.
Shown two comparative satellite pictures of Midrand, one dating from the ’60s and the other more recent, another MP asked what could be done to prevent satellites causing so much damage.
This is a FAIL. No kid would ask this question. It can only be asked by an idiot adult who has no idea what he is looking at and desperately wants his voice to heard.
Another MP said her suburb was frequently disturbed by the noise of satellites flying overhead taking these pictures.
This is a FAIL. Have you ever heard a kid making this sort of observation? This idiot needs to be locked up in a lunatic asylum.
Another suggested that indigenous knowledge must be applied to our use of space — and began to illustrate her point by telling a story about two women flying on a loaf of bread.
WTF? If this was a kid telling her story, it was a kid on LSD. FAIL.
At which point, the committee chairman shut down questions.
Well, yes. Perhaps he was just embarrassed but more probably he couldn’t think of a question to ask which would match the brilliance of his colleagues.
Heavenly vuvuzela
My favourite engineer recently returned from her triumphant conquering of Africa’s highest mountain, Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. At 5,895m (19,340 ft), the air is rarefied and breathing is difficult. I would imagine that the lack of oxygen might cause one to imagine hearing the heavenly voices of angels, in songs of praise for the intrepid mountaineer.
So it came as a bit of a surprise when her party reached Uhuru Peak to the squawks of a very un-angelic vuvuzela, aka the Devil’s Horn.
The Devil's Horn being played on Uhuru Peak, Kilimanjaro
Perhaps the god-brigade should re-assess where heaven and hell are located.
Caster vanquishes racist hordes
Caster Semenya has arrived back in South Africa to a heroes welcome. A hero of what, I’m not sure. Amidst the “Viva!” and “you strike a woman and you strike a rock!” cries, one could believe she had bravely escaped the pits of racism of Berlin’s Olympic Stadium, where evil Aryans with their cold devil blue eyes and Teutonic blond hair were intently plotting to keep athletics pure and white. Hitler had slipped up and let a black man – a BLACK man! – show up the pride of his super-race by beating them at this very stadium. This outrage would not be tolerated! No black person would ever be allowed to besmirch the Fatherland again, particularly not in the Fuhrer’s citadel where the pride of the white race was once again on display for the IAAF world athletics championships. But clearly, our new heroine has single handedly vanquished the racist hordes and has left them feeling as deflated and furious as Hitler did in his cold bunker. The ultimate insult was inflicted by the villainous Semenya in snatching the 800m gold medal from the soft hands of a beautiful young white flower.
Or so it would seem.
Caster Semenya with bronze medallist Jenny Meadows. Controversially, no calls have been made for the gender testing of Meadows
The outrage is palpable at the press conference. How dare they question the sex of this beautiful African girl? It’s clearly racism. As that student of Aristotelian reason, ANC MP Butana Komphela said:
“There are many female white athletes taking part in the competition who look like men but there is no upheaval, they were never subjected to such a condition.”
And it’s just vicious racism to question her deep baritone voice – after all that’s how black women sound: just listen to Aretha Franklin.
Leonard Chuene, Athletics SA boss, is of course entirely reasonable, detached and scientific when he pontificates:
“It is an insult to our country. Are we going to allow other people to set the agenda for us as African people just because we’re in Europe? I say no. There will be no more tests on this child. No one will touch this child until she comes home. There will be no more press releases.
So no tests. Take our word for it. Absolutely no tests.
“She was conceived by a woman and a man. No one on earth can dispute this. I want to see the scientists that can prove that she is not a girl.
“Children are not taken to laboratories to see what their gender is. We look at one place and we know, why must she be subjected to this? How you look and behave is a God-given thing. You do not have a say in that.”
Yup. Sounds about right to me. The Telegraph is reporting that tests have already shown that Caster has three times the normal testosterone levels for a woman. And also that Dr Ekkart Arbeit, the former East German coach who turned Heidi Krieger into Andreas Krieger was the head coach. Racist white neo-colonialist press. Down with racism, down!
Julius Malema, the saw and chisel wizard, has suggested that the reason Caster is being picked on is that she hails from a small village. And probably also because she is African. Which makes sense: no African from a small village has ever before won an athletics event. And of course the purely white, racial-purity protectors that run world athletics would never allow it.
No, we must tell the racists to go to hell. As Julius says:
Malema said they would not allow Europeans to continue treating black people as if they were monkeys.
“She must just give back their medal if they continue calling for her to be tested. We will give her a proper gold here in South Africa,” he said.
Malema said there were many athletes who looked like men who had never been harassed as Semenya had been.
“There are so many athletes who are ugly and some look like men but no one has said anything. That girl (Semenya) is nice and we support her,” said Malema.
A total failure!
I watched this video from Edward Current fully expecting to spend a few minutes smirking at a religious fundie, and then move on to something useful. But this is really funny!
It’s so ridiculous I thought it must be a parody. But like the infamous Bananas are Proof God Exists – by that cretin Ray Comfort and his idiot simpering sidekick, Kirk Cameron – it starts dawning on you that they’re actually serious. Which makes it really funny. The ultimate Poe.
With a round zero, it looks like I will burn in Hell along with its evil denizens George Harrison, Douglas Adams, Mark Twain, Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Carl Sagan, …. Hmmmm… maybe not such a bad idea after all.
Organic food “not healthier”
A recently published study claims that so-called organic food is no healthier than conventionally produced (inorganic?) food.
“A small number of differences in nutrient content were found to exist between organically and conventionally-produced crops and livestock, said Dr Alan Dangour, principal author of the study.“But these are unlikely to be of any public health relevance.”
And he added: “Our review indicates that there is currently no evidence to support the selection of organically over conventionally produced foods on the basis of nutritional superiority.”
Here’s another case where conventional wisdom sees science intervene in traditional knowledge and pronounces it bad. Or evil. Or harmful. But ask for the evidence and the answer is usually an appeal to the natural, as if agriculture is a “natural” activity. Agriculture by its very nature reduces biodiversity. The great fertile plains and richly wooded hills of the Middle East weren’t destroyed by modern scientific agriculture.
Of course harm can be caused by inappropriate use of under-tested chemicals. But that’s true of any human activity and that’s why our societies and scientists should and do insist on evidence from properly conducted tests before unleashing these chemicals in the production of our food. The fact is that there is no evidence to support the assertion that organic food is superior to conventionally produced food.
But I think Penn & Teller do a much better job of rubbishing organic farming than I ever could.
Be sure to watch the other two parts (here and here).
Put Woo Merchants in a sack…
…and hit them all with sticks!
Dara Ó Briain is a very funny man. And he brooks no nonsense from the enemies of reason: homoeopaths, psychics, astrologers, priests, chiropractors and nutritionists. And of course all those who say, “there’s more to life than evidence”.
No surprise as Zimbabwe rulers found to be idiots
The con-artist who convinced the Zimbabwean government that a special rock bled diesel fuel on demand, has been found guilty of fraud. The self-styled medicine woman, Rotina Mavhunga, claimed to have cast a spell on the rock which then oozed diesel when tapped with a stick. In fact, the tapping was a signal to hidden accomplice to pour the diesel into a concealed pipe. In a country with incredibly severe fuel supply problems, a mystical source of diesel would seem like an amazing boon – if you were a complete cretin.
Mad Bob Mugabe dispatched a high-powered task-force to investigate the claims. No ordinary task-force this: it comprised the Ministers of Energy and Power Development, Science and Technology, and of Mines. Their verdict: Zimbabwe’s fuel shortages were at an end. They obviously had applied their minds objectively to this investigation, starting with removing their shoes in the mystic-one’s presence.
So they lavished her with gifts and farms. Mugabe claims they were blinded by her beauty. Not to mention their deep belief in tribal superstitions, the ancestral spirits with which Mavhunga claimed to be imbued. Nevertheless, when some damned sceptic raised doubts, yet another panel was dispatched which this time concluded that it was all a con.
Arresting her proved to be beyond the police who were scared of her mystical powers and believed she was untouchable. She made a brief appearance in her trail, but was largely left alone in hiding. Her appearance though caused fear amongst the superstition-addled public:
During the trial, Mavhunga would start growling in the dock before the terror-stricken public gallery, but the magistrate said she had been faking a trance to try and have herself declared unfit for trial.
If you ever wondered how people could systematically destroy their country and not realise the consequences of their actions, you need wonder no further.
-
Recommended
