Getting to heaven seems to the preoccupation of a big slice of the world’s population. I’m not aware if the concept of heaven exists outside the Christian and Muslim faiths, but by all accounts it seems to be fairly popular.

So how do you get there? The traditional way seems to involve a great deal of piety, worshipping, good works, abstinence, praying, praising, sexual repression, obedience, submission, no crime (except for murdering abortionists) and absolute faith in a deity. Unfortunately for those of us who don’t want to go through these rigours and rather choose to live an enjoyable life, the alternative is to roast in the fires of hell for the rest of eternity. Which doesn’t sound nice.

But not any more. In the nick of time a new service, Reserve a Spot in Heaven makes it much easier. For a modest sum you are guaranteed a spot in heaven (money back if you don’t make it), and are given all the required travel and other documentation.  Max your order and you get a VIP access pass to exclusive, elite areas of heaven. Seems like a bargain.

But of course heaven might not be your thing. Christopher Hitchens (God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything) for example, thinks that heaven would be more like a celestial North Korea, without the option of dying. Which also doesn’t sound very nice. So what to do?

Well you can also Reserve a Spot in Hell. Now wouldn’t that make the perfect gift?