Should men urinate sitting down?
Yes, that is the pressing question of the day. Frankly, I didn’t realise there was any controversy about this at all. I mean, all men urinate standing up, don’t they? Except of course when they’re doing a number 2.
Well no, it appears not. Not in Japan, at least. Apparently 40% of Japanese men pee sitting down. And it seems they do this at the insistence of their partners. European women too are by all accounts getting more militant about forcing males to twinkle seated. A female headmistress went so far as to force the schoolboys to sit for wee-wees.
It is of course no secret that women are generally not enamoured with male micturition – apparently it’s all the splashing that disturbs. But isn’t it taking it a bit far to browbeat the brethren into taking a leak seated?
And did you know that Muslim men are supposed to pee sitting down? It’s apparently what the prophet usually did and you dare not get urine on your clothes!
Well the Naked Scientist doesn’t think whizzing seated is a good idea. It all boils down to the male anatomy – particularly the bit women don’t have.
The first fact to be faced: most of the stray “sprinkles” that so enrage European women occur not during the act of urination itself, but immediately afterward, during a ritual men learn as part of their potty training. By “ritual” I refer to the various manoeuvers required to discharge the urine remaining in the urethra (the muscular tube that delivers urine to the tip of the penis) once the bladder is empty. Nor is the act merely symbolic or recreational. A man who tucks away his penis without performing these manoeuvers will dribble half an ounce of urine into his underwear, causing an embarrassing stain in the crotch of his trousers, or an even more embarrassing streak down his trouser leg. To avoid this debacle, every sentient male, after every urination, carefully squeezes or “milks” his member to assure that no stray drops remain within the urethra.Unfortunately, some men pursue this goal with excessive vigour, indulging in what can only be described as “shaking off the last drop.” It is precisely these movements – and not the free-falling stream itself – that deposit most of the unwanted urine on lavatory floors throughout the world. And sometimes, given a sufficiently vigorous shake, on the walls, or even on the ceiling.
And no, the female approach to drying off just doesn’t cut it:
We must also consider anatomy: the female urethra spans only a miniscule length in comparison to that of the male, and as a result, it harbours only a tiny dollop of urine. The male ritual seems barbaric to women because they need only daub themselves with a tissue to remove the few drops remaining on the external genitalia.
He has a suggestion that I’m sure will meet with universal acclaim from the female of the species: piss in the basin. As he so forthrightly exclaims:
Make your woman happy.
Be clean and green.
Piss in the sink!
Those pesky Japanese might have come up with a solution for their oppressed brothers: the Angel Lap Pillow which forces the poor emasculated creature to kneel down to avoid spillage.
It looks like pure humiliation to me.
However, to be balanced, here is Larry David explaining why men should pee sitting down.
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