Caster Semenya has arrived back in South Africa to a heroes welcome. A hero of what, I’m not sure. Amidst the “Viva!” and “you strike a woman and you strike a rock!” cries, one could believe she had bravely escaped the pits of racism of Berlin’s Olympic Stadium, where evil Aryans with their cold devil blue eyes and Teutonic blond hair were intently plotting to keep athletics pure and white. Hitler had slipped up and let a black man – a BLACK man! – show up the pride of his super-race by beating them at this very stadium. This outrage would not be tolerated! No black person would ever be allowed to besmirch the Fatherland again, particularly not in the Fuhrer’s citadel where the pride of the white race was once again on display for the IAAF world athletics championships. But clearly, our new heroine has single handedly vanquished the racist hordes and has left them feeling as deflated and furious as Hitler did in his cold bunker. The ultimate insult was inflicted by the villainous Semenya in snatching the 800m gold medal from the soft hands of a beautiful young white flower.

Or so it would seem.

Caster Semenya with bronze medallist Jenny Meadows. Controversially, no calls have been made for the gender testing of Meadows

The outrage is palpable at the press conference. How dare they question the sex of this beautiful African girl? It’s clearly racism. As that student of Aristotelian reason, ANC MP Butana Komphela said:

“There are many female white athletes taking part in the competition who look like men but there is no upheaval, they were never subjected to such a condition.”

And it’s just vicious racism to question her deep baritone voice – after all that’s how black women sound: just listen to Aretha Franklin.

Leonard Chuene, Athletics SA boss, is of course entirely reasonable, detached and scientific when he pontificates:

“It is an insult to our country. Are we going to allow other people to set the agenda for us as African people just because we’re in Europe? I say no. There will be no more tests on this child. No one will touch this child until she comes home. There will be no more press releases.

So no tests. Take our word for it. Absolutely no tests.

“She was conceived by a woman and a man. No one on earth can dispute this. I want to see the scientists that can prove that she is not a girl.
“Children are not taken to laboratories to see what their gender is. We look at one place and we know, why must she be subjected to this? How you look and behave is a God-given thing. You do not have a say in that.”

Yup. Sounds about right to me. The Telegraph is reporting that tests have already shown that Caster has three times the normal testosterone levels for a woman. And also that Dr Ekkart Arbeit, the former East German coach who turned Heidi Krieger into Andreas Krieger was the head coach. Racist white neo-colonialist press. Down with racism, down!

Julius Malema, the saw and chisel wizard, has suggested that the reason Caster is being picked on is that she hails from a small village. And probably also because she is African. Which makes sense: no African from a small village has ever before won an athletics event. And of course the purely white, racial-purity protectors that run world athletics would never allow it.

No, we must tell the racists to go to hell. As Julius says:

Malema said they would not allow Europeans to continue treating black people as if they were monkeys.
“She must just give back their medal if they continue calling for her to be tested. We will give her a proper gold here in South Africa,” he said.
Malema said there were many athletes who looked like men who had never been harassed as Semenya had been.
“There are so many athletes who are ugly and some look like men but no one has said anything. That girl (Semenya) is nice and we support her,” said Malema.